(Inspired by the art of Andy Warhol and the evolution of a trend)

TIME: The present

SETTING: A livingroom

CHARACTERS:

WOMAN – A control freak

MAN – A passivist

SHE – A follower

HE – A consumer

(A MAN and A WOMAN in a living room.)

MAN

I have a gun.

WOMAN

I have some frozen pizza’s in the fridge. They’re Tofutti,

non dairy, vegan, whatever.

MAN

Fine. I have a gun.

WOMAN

I heard you the first time. Am I supposed to be surprised by

that?

MAN

No. Don’t you want to know where I got it?

WOMAN

Down the street?

MAN

Yeah. They’re giving them away down the street.

WOMAN

Yeah, I saw them when I came out of the grocery store. They

come with a six-pack of Coke?

MAN

Yeah.

WOMAN

So you actually bought a six-pack of Coke?

MAN

Just for the free gun.

WOMAN

What are you going to do with the Coke?

MAN

I’ll throw it out, okay?

WOMAN

Good.

MAN

What would you do if I drank it?

WOMAN

I don’t know, we’d have to seriously discuss our

relationship.

MAN

Would we?

WOMAN

YES!.

(THEY sit in silence for a moment.

After some thought, MAN gets up.)

WOMAN

What are you doing?

MAN

Nothing.

(HE pulls a brown paper bag from

underneath something – his jacket on a

chair?)

WOMAN

What is that?

MAN

Our relationship is inside this bag.

WOMAN

Is it?

MAN

YES!

WOMAN

So, let me see it.

MAN

How much do you love me?

WOMAN

What sort of question is that?

MAN

Do you love me enough to let me keep this?

WOMAN

We’re having guests for dinner. Do we have to do this now?

MAN

If not now, then when?

WOMAN

It’s not open for discussion!

MAN

Want to see my new gun?

WOMAN

I’ve seen a gun before.

MAN

Not mine.

WOMAN

What do you need one for anyway?

MAN

Everybody’s got one, even you.

WOMAN

So?

MAN

I should have one too.

WOMAN

Everyone is afraid to use theirs because everybody’s got one,

it renders them useless. Guns are impotent masses of metal.

People use them for paperweights. Why do you think they give

them away free?

MAN

I should have one if everyone has one.

WOMAN

Why?

MAN

Just…just because, that’s why.

WOMAN

Fine. What do I care? Be a keeper of paperweights. Now give

me that six-pack of Coke. I’m throwing it out before the

guests arrive.

(A doorbell rings.)

MAN

They’re here.

(HE hides the paper bag behind his

back.)

WOMAN

Let me have the Coke. I don’t want them to see it.

MAN

I’m keeping the Coke.

WOMAN

You’re what?!

(MAN flings open the door and reveals

SHE and HE in the doorway. HE holds a

brown paper sack and smiles. SHE is

frowning. THEY enter.)

MAN

Come in! We’ve been expecting you. Let me take your coats.

HE

Here. This is for the party.

(HE hands MAN the paper sack.)

SHE

It’s a six-pack of Coke. I’m sorry. I told him not to bring

it, that you’d be offended.

WOMAN

Oh my!

SHE

Honey, I told you not to bring it. It’s disgusting having one

of those in the house.

WOMAN

We’ve already got one. I was just going to dispose of it.

MAN

I told you, I’m keeping the Coke. And this one we’re opening

right now!

SHE

It’s an epidemic. All the men want six-packs of Coke now.

WOMAN

They’re giving free guns away with it.

SHE

I know. We’ve got a whole box of them at home. Just piling up

in the corner. It’s not like you can even recycle them. He’s

a Coke addict. He can’t get enough of it. What’re you gonna

do?

WOMAN

Let’s sit down and eat. I got Tofutti pizzas!

SHE

Oh, how nice!

(THE WOMEN go to prepare the pizza. THE

MEN break open the Coke and take large

swigs of it.)

MAN

I told her, she’s not going to tell me what to do anymore.

HE

She actually told me she’d leave me if I brought the Coke

into the house.

MAN

Her too! Can you believe it? “If you do, we’ll have to

seriously discuss our relationship.”

HE

Is that what she said?

MAN

Yep. I told her. I’m keeping the Coke. I’ll eat Tofutti

cheese, but I am keeping the Coca-Cola.

HE

Good for you.

(THEY take big swigs of Coke and laugh,

as the women return with pizza.)

WOMAN

Disgusting display.

SHE

It sure is. But, what’re ya gonna do? Let’s eat.

(WOMAN pulls out a gun and aims it at

MAN.)

WOMAN

Not so fast. One more sip of that Coke and I blow your head

off.

(HE pulls out a gun and aims it at

WOMAN.)

HE

Leave the guy alone, will ya? Let him have his Coke.

(SHE pulls out a gun and aims it at

HE.)

SHE

Put the Coke down.

(MAN pulls out a gun and aims it at

SHE. THEY all move slowly in a circle

aiming guns at one another.)

WOMAN

I will not have Coca-Cola in my house!

MAN

It’s my house too!

WOMAN

It’s a deal breaker, you know this!

MAN

I never agreed to never having a six-pack of Coke.

WOMAN

It was implied!

MAN

Implied!?

WOMAN

Yes, you knew how I felt about Cokes when you married me! How

could you? How could you do this now?!

MAN

Coke is the egalitarian soft-drink. Everybody drinks

Coke…World Leaders, movie stars, poor people!

WOMAN

Not us!

HE

Mormons don’t.

MAN

Mormons don’t drink Coke?

HE

No.

MAN

Okay, everybody but Mormons.

WOMAN

Everybody but Mormons and US!

MAN

Do you really want to be associated with Mormons?

WOMAN

Why not?! What’s wrong with Mormons?

MAN

They…They go door to door!

WOMAN

So?!

HE

People, people, let’s not get political!

SHE

No, no let’s not get political.

MAN

You’re right, we shouldn’t get political.

WOMAN

That goes without saying.

MAN

Fine. No Cokes in the house.

SHE

I won’t have it either.

HE

Whatever you want honey-bunny.

WOMAN

Pour it out!

SHE

Yeah! Pour it out!

(THE MEN circle around back to the Coke

and pick it up, still holding the guns

on the women. THE MEN hand the sixpacks

of Coke to the WOMEN who are

still holding guns on the men. Each

woman takes a six-pack of coke from the

men (who are still holding guns on

them) and backs out of the room. THEY

exit. THE MEN put their guns down and

begin to eat pizza.)

MAN

She always gets her way.

HE

She too.

MAN

Are we even fit to be called men?

HE

Sure we are. It’s just, we’re married men.

MAN

At least she still let’s me eat tuna.

HE

You’re kidding, tuna? She would kill me if I ate tuna!

(THE WOMEN return.)

WOMAN

Hey, there’s a great new internet parlor game we can play

after dinner if you guys want!

HE

Yeah, okay.

SHE

What is it?

WOMAN

Oh, it’s great. It’s a role playing game. You play it with

strangers and you each take on the personality of a celebrity

serial killer and stalk people on Friendster. The winner is

the person who gets the most complaints sent to the site

administrator!

SHE

Sounds great!

HE

I’m in.

MAN

Hey, did you all catch Celebrity Date Rape last night?

SHE

It was a rerun.

HE

Yeah, but a good one.

SHE

Have you seen Nebish’s new blog?

HE

He discusses the partisan-ism of partisan-ism.

SHE

The partisan-ism of partisanship!

HE

The partisanship of partisanship!

SHE

That’s it!

WOMAN

Oh, we’re not partisan.

SHE

Oops! Let’s not get into religion. That wouldn’t be polite.

WOMAN

Of course not!

MAN

I’ve got a gun.

(LIGHTS dim. CURTAIN.)

Pop Art was developed in Anne Bogart’s Collaboration Lab at Columbia University with Actors: Meg McLynn, Liz Eckert, Hugling Foster, directed by Rachel Chavkin. It was later performed at HERE Arts Center with: Jennifer Artesi, Tim Fannon, Joe Gregori and Elan O’Connor, directed by Meghan Finn. It was later staged by Huntington Theatre Company for BTM17, directed by Stephanie LeBolt, with cast: Jeff Marcus, Samantha Reichert, Alexander Platt and Kourtney Adams.

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